So, killing time at Walgreens, waiting for my new prescriptions to be ready for pick-up, I browsed the store.  I usually just peruse the office supply aisle, because I Heart Office Supplies.  But instead I wandered through the “beauty section”.  Yes, those of you who know me well, know that, that was my first mistake.  I’m a failure at all things having to do with hair and makeup.

I figured the lotion section would be safe, so as I was meandering along, my eye was caught by a new brand of lotion–“All Natura with super micrbeads.  In Coconut.  Hmmmm.  I miss Hawaii, so decided to take a whiff of it.  Second mistake.

I opened the bottle and sniffed.  Nothing.  Sniffed again.  Still nothing.  Hmm, what should I do?  I shall squeeze the bottle, just a tiny bit to force the fragrance to waft out.  (I love the word waft, since growing up singing “Jesus Saves!  Jesus Saves! …Waft it on the rolling tide…Jesus saves, etc etc etc)

Well, their must have been a powerful air bubble, almost like a BURP (but not that I would know, I still can not figure out how to burp on command) stuck inside the lotion.  When I gave it a gentle squeeze, the burp let loose and…..wait for it, wait for it….

Coconut lotion right up my right nostril.

Which wouldn’t be so bad, except there was a lot of it and I sniffed it down my throat.  My eyes watered and I choked and gagged as the slimy coconut mixture (which, I assure you, tasted NOTHING like coconut) coated my nose and throat.  A kind lady watching this spectacle offered me a tissue.  Ice Cream for her, my good samaritan.

The rest of the day all I could smell, was coconut.

These things only happen to me