All is Well

Before me, even as behind, God is, and all is well ~ John Greenleaf Whittier

Keyboard Grace

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piano

So.

Six–almost seven–years ago, close to my birthday, I bought a portable keyboard.

It was an impulse buy that I had no business making. Life had fallen apart, we were in the midst of a real-time nightmare, and I didn’t even know where we were going to live, let alone how I was going to pay for a $100 keyboard that I uncharacteristically threw on my credit card.

But I bought it on a whim, because everything seemed so dark and awful, and I needed something to grasp hold of. I distinctly remember standing in Best Buy and thinking, “I’ve always wanted to learn piano. I’ll learn piano. For my birthday. Yes, that will help.”

Completely irrational thinking. But for some reason, buying that silly keyboard gave me a bit of hope.

Flash Forward to tonight:

I never learned how to play that keyboard. I played around with it some; banged out a few tunes: hymns, mostly. A couple of worship songs. But never did anything with it.

But, my girl did.

Tonight, I’m listening to her play song after song on that keyboard, that’s a bit beat up now. She has played it till it is nearly worn out. And, she’s taught herself every note, every chord. And, it has been good for her soul–and mine–to do so.

So I’m laying here in my bed, working while listening to her play music from Journey, Broadway Musical tunes, an occasional Adele song, and–my favorite–a beautiful arrangement of “Jesus Paid it All”.

And it is a gift of grace to us both.

It is prayer, for me to hear.  It is prayer, for her to play.

And I don’t regret making that irrational purchase for one second.

1 Corinthians 14:15

What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also.

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It’s Who He Is

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Abba-Father

Sometimes……

Sometimes I find the love of God to be overwhelming.

I have this habit of putting God under a microscope.  Studying him, from afar. Keeping him at a distance, as it were.

Examining him as I would a

  • case study in a psychology text-book, looking for cause and effect
  • slide of plant cells, under a microscope
  • new word, digging at the etymology

Because, sometimes, His love is so overwhelming, that it is nearly painful–the odd mix of intense joy, immense relief, and even fear and grief, that comes from being so loved.

Academic study of theology, and of God, is not wrong.  But when the study of God replaces the worship of God, it can be wrong.  Sinful, even.  And, habitual.

And, for me, it’s an old habit.  And, it’s one that is so very hard to break.  Because, I suppose, I find it to be so very safe.

I’m much better about battling this habit, than I used to be.  I recognize the tendency, the thinking, the pull to academic fervor to try to understand something that is non-understandable, by design.  And, in the moments that I recognize that I am–yet again–on that path, I’ve learned to put that wondering (because, truly, it is wondering, in every sense of the word) aside.

At least, most of the time.

Last night, during music rehearsal for worship this coming Sunday, our worship pastor introduced a song to us that sure I must have heard before, though I don’t recall it actually.  Most everyone in attendance knew it already; however, since I rarely listen to contemporary Christian music radio stations (K-love makes my brain hurt), it’s not one that I recall hearing.

Sung by Chris Tomlin, the title is Good, Good Father.

And, it struck a place in my soul, that I’ve not quite been able to shake since we rehearsed it.

Musically speaking, I’m not hugely impressed by the song.  But some of the phrases–some of the words–some of the concepts; well, whew.

They were not nothing.  And, are not nothing.

God, as Father, is a tough concept for many.  Maybe that’s the case for you.  I know I struggle with it.  I know others struggle with it.

For many reasons.

The idea of God, as Father, is not always easy to grasp.  It puts God much, much closer to our–my–soul(s), then we may be comfortable with, at first.

But, truly, that is exactly where He needs to be.

It is where we need Him to be.

And, it is where He longs to be.

We read, in so many places in scripture, of how God is the Father to those who call upon Him, in repentance, and to whom He grants salvation.  Scripture uses the language of adoption to define this fatherly relationship–not just a beautiful picture of what God has done, for us.  No, it isn’t an analogy, or metaphor.  I’m cynical enough in nature that, were it to be an analogy or metaphor, I’d probably reject it.

No, we see clearly, in Galatians, that it is not a picture.  Not a metaphor.  Not an analogy.

It simply, is:

 4 But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

We, who are followers of Christ, have been redeemed.

And, we have been adopted.  By God, our Father.

The weight of that love, can be oh, so overwhelming.

It’s a love that should be unconditional; and, from God, is.

It’s a love that should give only good gifts (Luke 11); and, from God, does–though we may not always understand–or “feel”–or “see”–the good in the gift.

It’s a love that should discipline only and always appropriately, and only and always in all-consuming love; and, from God, does–even though sometimes that discipline is painful to bear.

It’s a love that should protect and cherish; and, from God, does so.  Perfectly.

Whew.

He is, a good, good Father.

So, tonight, I am a bit overwhelmed by this words, sung by Chris Tomlin.  And sung by my own mind and soul, last night, alongside friends who also need to know the truth of adoption, and the truth that we have a good father.

  • Because I’ve known my good, good Father’s whisper in the dead of the night–when fear and nightmares have shaken my soul and threatened to undo me:  “Shelly.  I know your name.  And, you are not alone.  Shhh.”
  • And I’ve known the desperate, intense search for answers—answers that my very life depended on.  And, answers that only God, my Father–and the realization that He is such–could provide……along with the calming reassurance that the answers I cannot know; well, He holds those, as well.  And there can be rest, even in that.
  • And I’ve known times when, in the presence of God, my Father, I have been so overcome by His love that this mind of mine that never seems to stop, that never seems to still, that never seems to quiet–has been settled for a bit…..to the point where I have been able to stop thinking thinking thinking for awhile, and just be loved.

He’s a good, good Father.

It’s who He is.

And, I’m loved by Him.

It’s who I am.

“Good Good Father”
Lyrics and Music by Chris Tomlin

Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone

Oh, and I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Oh, it’s love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

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‘Tis So Sweet….

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Tis-So-Sweet-To-Trust-In-Jesus

‘Tis So Sweet, to Trust in Jesus,

Just to Take Him At His Word….

These are words that I heard this morning, early, as I made the drive from the airport in Atlanta, 90 miles down the road to Warner Robins, for a series of work meetings.

It was pouring rain, with lightning strikes and thunder and water on the roadway.  But the weather wasn’t what was creating uneasiness in my mind and soul, as I traveled.  In fact, the ride itself was smooth–I had scored a free upgrade to a Jeep Renegrade SUV; I was quite safe as I navigated the traffic and the weather.

But my soul and heart were, and are, maybe still, a bit….uneasy.

I love my job; very much so.  And, I don’t really mind the occasional travel that it requires.  I enjoy meeting up with my team members in different cities, to do excellent work.  They are among some of the finest people, in the industry.  Plus, they are just fun to be around.

But the timing of this trip, for my crew, is not good.  Some challenging situations that have cropped up in the past 8-10 days, made leaving them so much harder this time.

So when I turned on Pandora, and this old hymn that expresses these sentiments so surely and confidently came on, I found myself thinking of the words.

How could the author of the words–written in 1882–sing this with such unwavering steadfastness?  How could she–her name was Louisa M. Stead–how could Mrs. Stead say that trusting Jesus is..sweet?  As opposed to using words such as “hard”?  And, “unnerving”? And, even, a bit frightening?

I think it is easy to say or sing the words–they are beautiful, indeed.  And scriptural.  In fact, we often turn to such words, in scripture, when we are in turmoil:

Psalm 28:7:

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
    and with my song I give thanks to him.

How often have I–and you–and we turned there, for comfort and assurance?  And these words, too, found also in the book of Psalms:

Psalm 112:7

He is not afraid of bad news;
    his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Saying them, when we are not in the midst of hard things, or even saying them when we are, and are looking for comfort and assurance, is one thing.

But doing them–applying them as verbs to our souls and minds, is quite another.  When the “bad news” comes, what does it mean to “Take Him at His Word?”  How do we rest upon His promise?  Upon the sovereignty that rings through the phrase “Thus Sayeth the Lord?”  How do we cease both sinfulness and self-centeredness?  How do we sing to God—and mean it–“Just to know that thou art with me”?

And, how do we know that He will be, to the end?  And, beyond the end, into eternity?

It’s hard to live the verbs of these phrases, when the bad news comes.  It’s hard to do the active clinging to the promises in scripture, as parents, when we see our children hurting, and making wrong choices.  It’s hard to–can I say, obey?–the call to trust God, when the diagnosis comes, and our world is spinning.

I don’t know about you, dear reader and friend, but I find the words of this beautiful hymn to be challenging.

The author of the lyrics of this song, knew those tough times.  One sunny afternoon, she, her husband, and their 4-year-old daughter decided to picnic off of Long Island Sound.  At some point during their time together that day, they heard a boy calling for help, from the water.  Mr. Stead entered the water in an attempt to rescue the boy, but they both drowned.

And Louisa Stead found herself alone–a young widow, with a young child to raise.

And it is from that flash-point need to decide where she would turn to, in the frightening days that lay before her, that these words were born out of her soul.

Later in life, Louisa and her daughter would travel to South Africa as missionaries.  And, according to Kenneth W. Osbeck, author of 101 More Hymn Stories, Part 2, this is the message she sent back to the United States, upon arriving in what was then known as Rhodesia, but today is known as Zimbabwe:

“In connection with the whole mission there are glorious possibilities, but one cannot, in the face of the peculiar difficulties, help but say, ‘Who is sufficient for these things?’ But with simple confidence and trust we may and do say, ‘Our sufficiency is of God.’”

Simple confidence and trust.  Our sufficiency is of God.

But where lies the ability to connect these words with the action of trusting God?

Looking over the hymn tonight, and over scripture, I wonder if it might not lie, in the living of these words:

“How I’ve proved Him, o’er and o’er…”

Has He not been faithful?  Has He not been steadfast?  Has He not seen?  And known?  And acted?

Is His love not evident, in the very Gospel itself–that He came to earth to be among us–God in flesh–and then became the sacrifice for our salvation–not because of anything we have done to earn that kind of love, but simply because He loves us.

Has He not been our Lord and Savior, our Father, our shepherd, the holy and righteous one who is sovereign in all things?

He has.  He is.  Oh, how I have proved Him, o’er and o’er, my friends.  So many times.  With so many to go, I am certain.

But here is where you–and I–must live our lives, every day–it is where we must return to consistently and continually and always–in the joyful times and in the dark times–we must recognize our need for the last line of the chorus of this beautiful hymn:

O, for grace…to trust Him more!

And, in those moments when we are in need of that grace to not just say that we trust Him, but truly to trust–in those heart-stopping, mind-numbing moments, or those weary-long-day moments, we must turn to Him for that grace, because truly it only comes from Him.

20 And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 21 And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.”

24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

(Mark 9)

O, for grace, to trust Him more.

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2015 Superlatives….2016 Thoughts

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beach2016

2015 is over.  2016 is 3 days in.

I always get squirrel-ly at the beginning of a new year.  I shouldn’t; it’s really just another day on the calendar.  But I was (am) also the kid who loved the first day of school, and adored new school supplies.  Fresh start, and all that.

2015 was a good year.

I’m not sure what I mean by that, really.  I’m not entirely sure how one quantifies a “good” year vs. a “challenging” or “difficult” year.  In a sense, should we as Christ-followers evaluate our years based upon God’s grace, which is sufficient in both joyful events and tough events?  Or, probably more than likely, I am overthinking.  As I am prone to do.

Anyway, 2015 was a good year.

So, I thought I’d take a moment and do some reviewing, if you will so indulge me, dear reader.  I’d like to share some stats, and then some fun Superlatives, and then a brief note on the year to come.

First, some stats:

This Website

I have, once again, thoroughly enjoyed throwing my thoughts here, and continue to be ever so grateful for those of you who read–whether you visit here occasionally, or you have happened upon here by accident.  I’ve received several emails from you, and have met some new friends as a result.  Thank you for your encouragement, thank you for your questions, and thank you, even, for your debates and differing viewpoints.  It has been fun, is fun, and as of today, I foresee continuing to share my very imperfect and floundering attempts to define life in the shadow of the cross here on earth.

This little corner of the internet was viewed approximately 33,000 times in 2015, with visits from 155 countries.  That amazes me.  I know the vast majority stumbled upon this site while looking up information, but some of those stumbles have resulted in some very interesting conversations.  I am grateful for each and every visit.

Fitness Goals

Another fun “end-of-the-year” stat email report I received had to do with fitness goals.  I’ve worn a FitBit all year long, and have worked hard to achieve 10,000 steps most every day.  Fitbit tells me that the following things were accomplished:

  • Number of Steps Taken:   2,857,208 steps
  • Number of Stairs Climbed:  978 floors
  • Number of Miles Walked:  1,237.24 miles

That’s crazy.  We will see how things look at the end of 2016.

Family Highlights

  • Tim went to Navy Boot Camp, and graduated from “A” School (IT Specialist)
  • Bethany started violin lessons, and sang a few times with me (there is nothing like getting to sing with my girl)
  • Mark got his first “job”–as bagger at Kroger (the boy apparently knows all there is to know about the grocery business now)
  • Keli (with a friend) bought her first condo–and did an amazing job of renovating it and turning it into a perfect first “home”.  They also are the proud parents of a new puppy, Baxter.
  • Me:  I traveled quite a bit for work—Mostly to GA, LA and Northern VA.  More travel is on the horizon, starting with Phoenix next week.  I had articles published in a couple of journals (US and UK), and completed a children’s book.

And, now for some fun Superlatives….

What’s that?  Well, remember in high school when the year book came out, there were things like “Best Cheerleader” and “Most likely to Succeed”?  Well, I’ve captured some of the “Best’s” from 2016–at least, from where I’m standing.  Here they are:

Best Movies

  • Star Wars (Ok, ok.  So maybe that seems way too pop culture driven.  But I’m telling you, when Han Solo and Chewie showed up on that big screen, on the Millennium Falcon, and Solo said “Chewie, we’re home….”; yeah, I got the feels.  So, Star Wars it is.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Selma
  • The Good Lie
  • Avengers Age of Ultron
  • Everest

Best Documentary:

  • Finding Vivian Meier

Best New (to me) Words

  • Scripturient:  Having a strong urge to write (this, my friends, is the me in a nutshell)

Honorable Mention:

  • Pluviophile – Lover of rain (I do love the rain; but really I love the sky more)

Best Sermons

Maybe it isn’t right to label a sermon as “best”.  So, instead I’ll qualify this category as a list of sermons that I found to be particularly important and that I think others would find as helpful as I did (you can click on the titles to hear recordings of each of the sermons):

  • All Lives Matter (Preached by Michael Howard on 1/18/2015)
  • Preaching to the Heart (by Tim Keller on 4/14/2015–this is actually a workshop he taught, but I found it as impacting as a sermon)
  • Words That Restore (Preached by Gene Cornett on 7/26/2015, on James 5:13-18)
  • God’s Plan for Husbands and Wives (Preached by Michael Howard on 10/4/2015–best sermon I have ever heard on this subject, even though it absolutely wrecked my soul.  Ephesians 5:19-21)

Best Books

2015 wasn’t a great year for me in the realm of reading.  I didn’t read nearly as much as I usually do, and I wasn’t as thrilled with the selection of books that I did read.  Still, of course, there were some gems that I read.  Here they are:

Best Music

O My Soul, Arise by Sovereign Grace captured into words so much of what my mind and soul ached to express this year.  It was a huge gift to be able to sing this for my church family earlier in 2015:

O my soul, arise
Behold the risen Christ
Your Great High Priest
Your spotless sacrifice
O my soul, arise
God owns you as His child
Shake off your guilty fears
My soul, arise

My God is reconciled
His pard’ning voice I hear
He owns me as His child
I can no longer fear
With confidence I now draw nigh
With confidence I now draw nigh
And “Father, Abba, Father,” cry

Honorable Mentions:

  • What Wondrous Love is This by King’s Kalaidoscope
  • Chris Stapleton:  Ok, this guy’s music is excellent.  It’s old-time Country stuff.  It’s gritty, it’s real.  His song “Tennessee Whiskey“, sung at this year’s CMAs, was my first introduction to his music.  Since then, I’ve had his album “Traveler” on replay.  A bunch.

Travel Superlatives

Best Restaurants (’cause I love food):
Best Hotel
  • The Beach House in Hermosa Beach, CA (what’s not to love about an oceanside hotel with quaint rooms that have fireplaces?  This is where my work team meets each year for our team meeting.  Great fun.)

Looking ahead to 2016

I don’t know quite what to think.  I’m oddly uneasy about the year ahead.  A bit unsettled.  2015 was so good; that I am irrationally a bit fearful of the 12 months that lay before us.  That’s silly, I know.  And I don’t much like this odd sensation.  Surely it is unfounded.  But, what I do know for sure is this:  There will be many joys, and some sorrows.  There will be successes and failures and challenges.  We do not know what tomorrow morning holds.  But what is truth, what has to be truth, what I pray is truth, is this:  there is enough grace from God, our father, for all of it.

Every. Single. Second.

 

 

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