It has been a very difficult week, for our nation.

If you live in the United States, and if you do not live under a rock, you have probably read or heard about the current Supreme Court Nomination Hearings for Brett Kavanaugh, and the accusations of sexual assault levied at Kavanaugh by Christine Blasey Ford.

These very serious allegations and this very sensitive and difficult situation is being arm-chair-judged by hundreds of thousands of people, across the nation.  Opinions are strong.  Voices are loud – whether they be the voices of senators, or the tweets of someone who knows neither of the parties involved, but who feels safe judging all involved, from the quiet of their living room and the dim glow of their iPhone Twitter app.

What frightens me the most is this: the very painful and complicated hellish reality of sexual abuse and assault has become such a deeply politicized – and, even more frightening – a polarizing issue in our society.  Rhetoric and an “us vs. them” mentality is starting to overshadow the nightmare that those whose lives have been shattered by the nightmare of sexual abuse – whether the life be that of a victim, that of one wrongly accused, or even the life of a predator whose life is imprisoned in sin…and who should be in a brick, mortar, bars and razor wire prison.

I know this nightmare, very well – in my own life:  my life was shattered by sexual abuse that led me to many years of doubting God’s very existence.  Pain and grief unimaginable, that I still find remnants of today, when I least expect it.

Only through God’s grace and mercy and salvation, is it well with my soul.

But then, 9 years ago, the pain of sexual sin ripped my soul to shreds once again, when my Southern Baptist Minister (now-ex) husband was accused, tried and convicted for sexual assault of two minors – one of which was my daughter.

Rightly accused.  He was guilty.

Only through God’s grace and mercy and salvation, is it well with my soul, and with the soul of my daughter, and with the souls of my other three children.

I do not write this, lightly.  Nor do I write it as one who has no experience of the anguish, or fear, or terrifying hopelessness that comes from such horrific crimes.  Though I have no experience with anyone close to me who has been falsely accused – what experience I have had with the court system and the media make me ache for those who have to endure that, though they be completely innocent.

When the #MeToo movement, and the #ChurchToo movement started gaining momentum in social media, I watched at first with a detached interest:  I wanted to see where this was headed.  My sincere hope as a Christ-follower and church member was that it would shed a much-needed refining fire spotlight on the issue of sexual abuse in the church, and some of the good ‘ol boy cover-ups that were being exposed.

Sadly though, what I am seeing in recent days and months, though, is this:  it has become a shouting match, as opposed to an opportunity to demonstrate deep, compassionate love to those who are hurting.

• Conservatives vs. Liberals
• Republicans vs. Democrats
• Friends vs. Friends
• Colleagues vs. Colleagues
• Christians vs. Christians

And, it is that last bullet, that pushes the world further away from the God they so desperately need.

We’ve seen it played out in racism time and time again.  We’ve seen it play out in other areas – the immigration crises the world is facing, is yet another example.  We see it repeatedly when the worship of America replaces the worship of God.  And now we are seeing it as people….no, as we…hurl our indignant and righteous anger at each other, masking the gospel message – the only hope-giving message for a world that is so incredibly broken.

If we think for one moment that the world is not watching us – we are so sadly mistaken.  They are watching.

And, if I may “go there” – there are victims watching, who have not ever shared their pain and grief – and, who may never know the healing grace of Jesus, if all they see of “Christianity” is the tossing of our anger back and forth.

My fellow brothers and sisters in Christ – we have an opportunity here, that we may never have again.  It is an opportunity to choose our words wisely and to make sure they are soaked in love for all hurting people, with a grace-filled love that is only possible when we recognize just how sinful we each are, and that our sin was paid for on the cross.

Does this mean that we don’t stand up for what is right?  That we don’t protect the innocent, or defend the wrongly accused?  Does it mean that we don’t fight passionately for those who cannot fight for themselves?  Absolutely not.

But we have taken James 1:19-20, and we have rewritten it to read “..be slow to hear, quick to speak and quick to anger…”, all in the name of righteous indignation, when we are told in that very same verse that “…the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Jerry Falwell, Jr. – president of Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA – shared this on Twitter yesterday:

Conservatives & Christians need to stop electing “nice guys”. They might make great Christian leaders but the US needs street fighters like @realDonaldTrump at every level of government b/c the liberal fascists Dems are playing for keeps & many Repub leaders are a bunch of wimps!

I read this, and wanted to cry – because absolutely nothing in this statement from the president of a leading Christian University with ties to the Southern Baptist Convention through its affiliation with Thomas Road Baptist Church (among other ties) – absolutely nothing – shares the gospel message of the love of Christ.  Not a single word.

And, the world is watching.  And reading.

Jerry is wrong.  Many of us are wrong.  I am often wrong.

We need to be quick to hear:  Not just to hear the words spoken, but also to ask for wisdom and discernment to hear the words that are not spoken – or, that are too painful to be spoken.  Friends did that for me, and in their listening and hearing both what was spoken and what I could not speak, they pointed me to the only one who could truly hear and heal the agony in my soul.

We need to be slow to speak:  Every situation does not need our opinion, or for us to “weigh in” because we have “freedom of speech” and 140 Twitter characters to fill.  And, even closer to home, those in our circles of influence who are grieving or hurting do not necessarily need our words in those dark moments.  They may just need our presence.  Someone to sit with us in the suffocating dark, when the night is long, or the nightmares are unending.  Or, they may just need to hear someone say, “I am so very sorry”…with no attempt to explain away the pain.

We need to be slow to anger:  Yes – there is a time for anger.  There is a time for protective anger – an expression of anger on behalf of a victim.  Someone expressing that anger on my behalf was healing.  Someone expressing anger on the behalf of my family, was also healing.  But we have become so quick to express anger in situations where we can’t possibly know the whole story or where the anger is not ours to express, that any attempt at expressing love is drowned out, choked out, throttled, and lost in the vehemence that pours from our mouths or through our written words.

These are hard things to write.  They are hard lessons to learn – they are lessons that I need to learn.  I have thrown out my own share of angry words, when a listening soul and the gospel message of hope and life were needed.  We all have.

But there is grace and mercy, for all of us.  And there is the opportunity to do better. To love all people, well.

I love that James 1, which contains the verse above about being quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, also ends with these words of warning coupled with a directive of compassionate love to others:

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.