Recently, I was awakened in the middle of the night (which is not unusual) with a weight upon my soul that I just couldn’t shake. It hung there as the remaining dark hours of the night faded into day – it stayed with me throughout a time of scripture work and an attempt at prayer, and then clung to me like a mist as I went about my work day.
I knew what had brought it on – but what made this particular incident so disconcerting is how long it lingered…how it drove me to a level of grief I have not experienced for awhile. There was a groaning in my soul…full of lamentation tones and longing for the day when there will be no more sorrows, no more tears. No more nightmares, no more grief.
It was the makings of Psalm 42.
And as I often do, I turned to the Psalms…and, to Psalm 42 specifically…not so much for relief, but to look over the shoulders of the author of this Psalm, and find the words I could not find on my own, to give voice to my lamentation and longing.
My soul thirsts of God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
There are days, my friends, when the thirsting is so deep – when we find ourselves in a season of grief that threatens to undo us and we long for the living God…we are weary. We cry out – How long, o Lord? How long will those we love hurt? How many nights, will we be awakened by nightmares? How long will unjust wars be battled, and children be harmed? How long until the weight of the grief and sorrow of my soul is lifted?
How long, until we see you, God, face-to-face – when sorrow and pain shall be no more?
Sometimes, our tears become the very substance of our lives.
The words of Psalm 42 continue, and I think what I appreciate the most about this Psalm is just how incredibly real it is. What I mean by that is that as one reads it, they see this back-and-forth discourse by the Psalmist – he cries out his lament to God…My soul thirsts for God! How long until I see Him!…followed by some heavy-duty self-preaching where he demands of himself no less than THREE times: “Why are you cast down, O my soul?? Hope in God!”
When I read these words and the flow of this intimate Psalm…the back and forth between lament and self-preaching…I recognize myself. I recognize how many times I find myself in this very same place – lamenting and crying out to God, followed by admonishing/encouraging/cajoling and down-right preaching to my soul the truths that I know. Hope in God! I shall again praise Him! He is my salvation! He is my sovereign God!
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
I have sat alone on Hawaii Island shores so many hours, watching tremendously powerful waves crash upon black lava rock – power indescribable – and at times as I’ve watched, I’ve been overcome by doubt, and at other times, I’ve never been more certain that God knew my name. And recently, we took a few days to hike to several waterfalls in Western North Carolina. We just happened to go after a series of spring storms had rolled through, so the waterfalls were thundering – louder than I can even describe. And as I stood in the spray of the water, unable to hear anything except the crashing of water on the rocks, I recalled this Psalm 42…and I recounted to my soul that God is sovereign. The waves and roaring waterfalls that come into my life – and that come into yours – are known by God. I think John Piper captures it best here:
“In other words, all his crashing and tumultuous and oppressing and discouraging circumstances are the waves of God. He never loses this grip on the great truths about God. They are the ballast in his little boat of faith. They keep him from capsizing in the tumult of his emotions. Oh, how many of you have learned this more deeply than I because of the waves that have broken over your lives. You have learned deeply that it is no relief to say that God does not rule the wind and the waves. So the psalmist affirms God’s sovereign love for him in and through all the troubles.” ~ John Piper
Read that again – it is no relief to say that God does not rule the wind and the waves. Our hope through the tumult…whatever it may be…is in God’s sovereign love for us.
And I do believe that is exactly what the Psalmist is saying to his own soul, in Psalm 42.
Our journey on this earth as Christ-followers will always be filled with sighs. Not that we will know no joy, no happiness, no enjoyment of the world through which we walk. Not at all! But I do believe there is a sense in which we who know Christ as our Savior will always be keenly aware of the griefs that do fill this earth…and a longing for our true home. Our pastor recently shared this quote by Augustine – and I believe it is a beautiful picture of just this exact reality: “He who does not sigh as a pilgrim, will never rejoice as a citizen.”
Our sighs in this world should feed the longing of our souls to see our God face to face.
And like verse 42:8 declares – I need His song in the night to be with me – and you do, too. So we will continue to declare to our souls:
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.