Lovely.

What a lovely day.

I say that somewhat sarcastically.  Yes, it is absolutely beautiful outside.  Yes the Chiefs won.

• But I foolishly didn’t go to church.
• The Redskins lost.
• And I backed into a brand-new looking Suburban.

I didn’t go to church because I woke up terribly discouraged, and instead of wisely doing the thing that probably would have encouraged me (attending church), I hid out at home.  The Redskins lost because they played very badly and RGIII was not ready to come back full-strength yet.  And I hit the Suburban because I looked in my mirrors and over both shoulders and still somehow missed seeing that blasted Suburban parked across from the drive-way I was backing out of.

Sigh.

This brings me back to the post I wrote a few days ago about quitting.  And the need not to quit.  Sure, the games are really meaningless in the grand scheme of things.  Hitting the Suburban, while embarrassing and very irritating, was an accident–my first “exchange insurance” accident since high school–a humiliating accident, but still, an accident.  And neglecting attending corporate worship was a very poor decision on my part.

But none of these things are reasons to quit.  And therefore I won’t.

You may wonder where I’m going with this.  You see, this is the last week of this year of my life.  Friday I start a “new Year” of my life…..I turn, um, a year older.

Birthdays have never really been a big deal in my life.  We were never big celebrators of birthdays while growing up.  And even after getting married, birthdays have mostly been celebrated on a very small scale.

But now that I’m getting……older…….I look at birthdays a bit differently.  And now that I’m a believer, I look at birthdays a bit differently.  I don’t dread them—no, instead as the date approaches I feel compelled to “finish well” this year that God has given me.  And I see the new year as a chance to start again; to try again.  I love new beginnings–the start of a new year, the start of the school year, and the start of a new year of life: a birthday.

Hebrews 12:1 says: Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

The writer of Hebrews urges us to lay aside the weights that weigh us down.  To lay aside the sin that weighs us down.  Notice he describes this sin as clinging so closely.  So closely–isn’t that truth?

And then we are to run–with endurance–the race set before us.  We are not to be Quitters.

I want to finish this year well.  Strong.  Encouraged.  And I want to run the race of the next year that God lays before me, no matter what it may hold.  I’ll admit, I’m gun-shy.  I’ve seen how life can be ripped apart in a matter of moments.  I’ve experienced it.  Yet I know my God is Sovereign and whatever lies ahead in the next year will be sifted through His loving and almighty hands.

So, I enter this last week of this year of my life, discouraged yet encouraged.  Frustrated yet hopeful.  And determined not to quit.

What about you?  What about the race that lays before you?  Are you laying aside the weight and sin that impedes your progress?  Are you running full strength toward that day when all that is wrong will be made right–when what we see dimly now, we will see face to face:  Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

My friends, I ask you to pray earnestly, real prayer for me for this next year as I continue to press forward, to fight for every inch, to seek out what God would have me do in this next year.  Time does have a way of healing pain.  I see hope like a light dimly.  I see future where often I do not.  And I feel purpose that I rarely feel.  I want to grab hold of these three: hope, future and purpose and run this race as fast as I can, straight into the arms of my God.

I wanted to quit this morning.

Quit what, I’m not really sure.  Just quit.  Quit trying.  Quit working hard.  Quit parenting.  Quit pursuing God.  Quit trying to lose weight.  Quit church.  Quit life.

I’m not really sure.  All of it?  None of it?  I don’t know.  I just knew that the discouragement was not worth pressing forward.  The discouragement was heavy–throughout my prayer time, throughout my morning and spilling over into the afternoon.

Oh, I kept going, I didn’t actually give up.  I worked hard–hard at my job, at my responsibilities as a single parent, hard at trying to cook something for my family to eat. (I just tasted it; it’s actually passable)

But I wanted to quit.

Why do I share this with you?  Because I know that there are days that you want to quit as well.  Maybe you know what you want to quit.  Maybe you don’t; maybe it’s just a vague something that is pushing you to quit.  To give up.

God has granted me a job where I can work from home, which means I can listen to worship music (or Johnny Cash, or Patsy Cline, or Hawaiian music) the entire time I’m working (when I’m not on the phone).  So I can share with you the exact moment my desire to be a quitter today stopped.

The song is called “The Stand”.  I’ve shared it before on Facebook.  Today, it was medicine for my aching soul.

The two refrains I want to reference are below:

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

Particularly the second set of words hit home.  As I sang the words, I thought “How appropriate, because what can I say?  There is nothing to say.  Not in the face of what my God has done for me on the cross, carrying it for my shame, my sin upon His shoulders.”  And I thought “What could I do?  In all of MY trying, MY working, MY parenting, MY cooking, MY living, I will always have moments of failure.  Always.  But He stands before my failure.  I can’t work hard enough, parent well enough, cook well enough, live well enough in order to earn His grace.  I can’t.  And you can’t.  So what can we do?”

The only thing I have that I can offer to Him today is this heart–this soul–the very seat of who I am, with all my sins and failures and desires to quit.  I can offer it all to Him, completely.

I, like Moses in Exodus 33, do not want to take another step forward without God.  Moses wanted to quit.  But he knew he could press forward if the God of the universe went with him.

And so I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned to God.  I will stand fast, because the one who is steadfast has not abandoned me.  And I won’t quit.  I’ll keep pressing forward, even when I am fearful that I won’t meet all my obligations.  Even when I’m fearful that I am parenting inadequately.  Even when my working does not meet the bills.  Even when I don’t see the hope that I know in my soul is there.  I won’t quit.

My soul now to stand.

• We remember the clear blue sky
• We remember the fall, September day
• We remember the ordinary that would soon turn into horrifying
• We remember the attack
• We remember the police and firefighter heroes
• We remember the Pentagon
• We remember the heroes of the Pennsylvania crash
• We remember where we were
• We remember those who are mourning deeply the loss of loved ones today
• We remember
• We will not forget

God is a God who calls us to remember.  To remember the Passover.  To remember Jacob’s wrestle with God.  To remember our Savior’s last supper.

We remember birthdays and anniversary’s.

Sometimes we remember in order to celebrate.  Sometimes we remember in order to honor God.  Sometimes we remember in order to mourn.

Today, each of us will remember where we were at when we heard.  We will remember the images that can not be forgotten.  Some of us will mourn deeply.  All of us will mourn in empathy.

Sometimes we remember in order to never forget.

We will never forget.

“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

She had every right to be angry, in line with this world’s standards.

Every right.

The details don’t matter, but I had a front row seat to watch my friend, who lives in another state, be extremely hurt by the actions of a family member.  Callous and unexpected behavior wounded my friend deeply.  She had every “right” to be angry, to strike back, to walk away furious.

Yet instead, I had the opportunity to watch an amazing show of grace on the behalf of my friend, who in spite of her deep hurt, poured out grace upon grace to the person who had hurt her.

And so that started me thinking…..we know that Jesus gives us grace to live; to breathe.  We know that this grace is a gift–we do nothing to deserve it.

But what about grace toward each other?  What does that look like?

I did some research and found a website that listed “39 Scriptures Packed with Mercy and Grace“.  This was at the website “StickyJesus“.  It was a good jumping off spot for looking for something solid to apply–not just something that “sounds good” or “sounds spiritual”.  It would be redundant for me to include them all here in this post, so I urge you to read it for yourself–I’m sure you will see yourself in various roles as you read down through the verses.  Maybe you are the one in the wrong, who needs the gift of grace.  Maybe you are the one who has been wronged, yet needs to find a way to be able to give grace.  Or maybe you are an unbeliever in need of God’s grace—or a believer who is also in need of God’s grace.  And He longs to give it to you.

39 verses of mercy and grace, and I still keep returning to the verse in John 1:16:

¹⁶ For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

For from the fullness of Christ…we have ALL received grace upon grace.  And if we, who are sinners, have received such grace, should it not follow that we be a grace-giving people to those that wound us; that hurt our soul.

Oh, please don’t read this as me saying it’s easy.  Trust me, I know.  I think it can be one of the singularly most difficult things God calls us to as Christians.  But what replaces grace, if grace is not given?  Bitterness.  Anger.  Hatred.  Envy.  And many other things that can take root in our soul–deep root–and will be hard to pull up and destroy.

My friend gave grace upon grace in her situation.  My Jesus gave me, who could rival Paul as the chief of sinners, grace upon grace.  And He offers to us the grace we need in order to forgive and salvage relationships torn by deep wounds.

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord, 
	grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt! 
	Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured, 
	there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt. 
Refrain:
	Grace, grace, God's grace, 
	grace that will pardon and cleanse within; 
	grace, grace, God's grace, 
	grace that is greater than all our sin! 

2.	Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold, 
	threaten the soul with infinite loss; 
	grace that is greater, yes, grace untold, 
	points to the refuge, the mighty cross. 
	(Refrain) 

3.	Dark is the stain that we cannot hide. 
	What can avail to wash it away? 
	Look! There is flowing a crimson tide, 
	brighter than snow you may be today. 
	(Refrain) 

4.	Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, 
	freely bestowed on all who believe! 
	You that are longing to see his face, 
	will you this moment his grace receive?