I’m sitting here, watching the rain fall and giving myself a lunch break from work.  If you know me at all, you know that there are simply times that I must write.  This is one of those times.

We’ve had a rough week of sickness here in the Duffer household.  Fortunately it only lasts a day or two, but it’s taking it’s time to get around to everyone.  Most everyone is doing much better, but it’s hanging on for a couple of my crew.

When you are fighting illness, it is easy to get discouraged about other things as well.  When you are fighting illness, you don’t have the energy to fight for joy, to battle depression, to fight against fear.  We’ve all been there.

What do you do with a broken spirit, a fearful mind, a hurting soul?

I find myself worried about my job–about our company losing its contract.  I love my job.  I know it is a gift to me from God.  I pray that He allows me to keep it.  I enjoy the people I work with and the work that I do.  But I am fearful–what if He takes it away from me?  How will I provide for my family?  What would we do?

I find myself aching for the loss of my marriage with every letter I receive from my ex-husband.  With every ornament we hang on the tree.  How could God have given me the gift of marriage to who I thought was my best friend, only to have it shattered like a dropped mirror?  I mourn this loss, especially here at Christmas time.

I find myself hurting over broken friendships.  Friends that I feel God has brought into my life, but have now that friendship is tattered. And I implore God as to why He would allow this pain and abandonment, even in the midst of requesting forgiveness and reconciliation.  I don’t understand.

I find myself mourning the loss of my health, and angry that I’ve done this to myself.  And a lack of motivation to do the things I know to do, in order to regain that health.  Not being healthy makes fighting these other things just that much harder.

I find myself worried about my children.  They are doing great, but I can tell they are worn down.  It’s time for another prison visit, they are asking for one and I’ve promised them that when they ask, I will make it happen.  So we need to make a visit before Christmas.  This time my oldest girl wants to join us.  That is both an encouragement and breaks my heart because I know she aches for her father just as much as the other three do.

Why do I share all of this?  For one critical reason.  We all have things in our lives that we don’t understand.  That make us fearful, or discouraged.  Sad or worried.  This world is a broken world, and in a broken world, our lives will not reflect the perfectness of God’s perfection until we see Him face to face in heaven.  However, there is a verse that is truth.  It’s a hard truth; hard to swallow.  But if you–and I–can ingest this verse and let it feed us as only scripture can do, then we can come to a more settled place that all may not be right with our world, but God sees and knows and has not stopped working.

This is a verse that Job uttered after he had lost nearly everything–his children, his livestock, his servants, etc.  He spoke truth in this terrible, hard moment–truth that we need to speak as well:

Job 1:21: And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  This is truth.  All that we have is from God.  It belongs to God.  And God can take it away.  I don’t understand why He does.  I don’t dare to even guess or assume.  To do so would be a sin I believe.  Plus a person could lose their mind trying to figure out the why behind what God does.  Rather, I must wrestle with the fact that this is truth.  Job’s statement is truth, and God meant for us to know it or else it wouldn’t be in scripture.

But here’s the kicker:  Blessed be the name of the Lord.  Regardless.  In times of great encouragement and in times of weeping.  In times of friendship and in times of abandonment.  In times of financial security and in times of financial disaster.  His name is to be blessed, because He is God.  He is God and we are His children.  He loves us.

And so, today as I sit here and get ready to return to work, and as I listen to the rain gently falling on my skylight, I ask God for the strength to be able to say with Job:  The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.  For I know He is nothing but good.  He is nothing but wise.  He is nothing but Holy and Just.  His ways are not my ways.  And I would rather be in His hands, then standing in this world apart from Him.

 

 

Since sickness has ransacked our home, life has been a bit chaotic for the Duffer crew.  Slowly we are all making it through, but it certainly has not been fun.  Even Biscuit, our dog, has been ill!

But because I’ve not felt like doing much of anything other than my job and the necessities to help us all survive, I’ve had a bit of extra time to think and study and pray.  I was up at 4 am this morning not feeling well, but used the time to start the day off with praying through some scriptures.

After doing so, I worked on a writing project that includes a look at Ephesians 4:32:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I did some separate writing about this verse and how it pertains to life right now—living and doing life together as the body of Christ.

“Be kind to one another” is a verse we teach the little ones.  We want them to grow up being kind.  But I think many adults need a refresher course in how to be kind.  I know I do.  Am I kind to my children?  Am I kind to my brothers and sisters in Christ?  Am I kind to my neighbors who don’t know Christ?

One of the definitions for the word “kind” is to be mild or gentle.  I am often not gentle.  I used to never be gentle.  God has taught me a lot.  But I still have a long way to go.  We need to be gentle with each other–not harsh, not brash.  Not rude, not condescending.  A kind spirit…that is what I long for.

Tenderhearted:  When I think of this word, I think of compassion.  Compassion for those in need.  Compassion for those who are hurting.  These people are all around us–they are our next-door neighbors and we might not even know it.  They are an orphan living on the other side of the world who will barely get enough to eat this Christmas, let alone understand what Christmas is about–that they are loved supremely by the God of this universe.  And are we compassionate with each other within the body of Christ?  I have experienced so much compassion, and I am so incredibly grateful.  I have also, like all of us, experienced deep hurt at the hands of Christians.  It’s hard to understand, hard to accept.  I don’t want to be that way, I want to life with a tenderhearted spirit.  But to do so, I must make sure I am doing the things necessary to keep my own heart from becoming hard or bitter–I must stay connected to Christ through prayer and scripture work.

Forgiving one another.  Why is forgiveness so hard?  Christ forgave us–he forgave us!!  Do you see what a tremendous gift that is?  Sometimes I just can’t comprehend why He would forgive me of my sins, when I’ve harmed him so.  But in the same way that Christ forgave us, we are to forgive others.  Whew.  Can you imagine what that would truly, truly look like–if we forgave like Christ forgives?  It would be total forgiveness, with kindness and tenderheartedness.  It would revolutionize our churches and our communities.

This short “children’s verse” is so much more than that.  We adults need to grasp hold of the concepts within it as well–even more so than little children.  What can you–what can I–do today that lives out this verse in a very real and practical way?

Being a single parent is tough any time.  But maybe more so around the holidays.  The single parent doesn’t really fit in anywhere when it comes to Christmas parties.  All of the Holiday decisions and actions are up to the single parent.  And, it’s a time of heightened loneliness and sadness over what has led a person to be a single parent–whether by death, divorce, or some other event.

But, there are joys, too, in being a single parent during the Christmas season.  I think this is the first year that I’ve started to see the fruits of these joys in my life.

1.  By having to depend more on my Jesus every day, I am more aware of the impact that His birth made on this world–as well as His death and resurrection.  There is more awe, more astonishment, more wonder, because I need Him more in my life.  I am not self-dependant as I used to be.

2.  Christmas has definitely become an anti-materialism/anti-consumerism holiday for our children, and I think that is a very good thing.  Yes, they will get Christmas gifts.  But not piles like their friends, and not the “latest and greatest”.  Instead, I see them focusing much more on what they want to buy each other for Christmas than caring what they are going to get.  This never would have happened, had our financial situation not dictated it.  And it is a joy for me to see them caring for each other.  They even have a surprise for me!

3.  Before our divorce, the holidays were stressful times of many, many parties, church services, musical practices, etc.  All very wonderful and worthwhile things.  But as a full-time working single-parent, I have to pick and choose what we can attend and be involved in.  And as far as parties go, there aren’t any “single parent parties” out there.  🙂  So I find myself so much more relaxed and enjoying my crew and the season for what it is, not for what my high expectations would normally dictate.

4.  Before posting this post, I posted a list of 10 of our Christmas traditions.  Being a single parent has meant doing away with some traditions that are just too painful to remember, and instead adding new traditions that will build new memories for my crew.  It’s a joy to me to be able to do that, not just for my kids, but for me as well.

5.  Yes, the loneliness is real and very present.  I’m sad for what has been and what could be.  We miss the person we called husband and father.  And yet God grants me joy in the midst of this loneliness, by making Himself known through His word.  I now read scripture as if my life depended on it, because it does.

And so, I eagerly await the next four weeks.  I eagerly await our traditions, our gift giving, our laughter and our togetherness.  I cherish our Advent time in scripture and prayer.  And I fight for the joy that God offers me in this season of my life, in this season of Christmas.

Maybe you are a struggling single parent this year.  Maybe this is your first holiday without your spouse, for whatever reason.  That first Christmas is tough.  All holidays are tough.  But if you, too, can fight for joy and find new meaning and outlets for your Christmas Worship and Praise, you will sense God’s presence as He slowly works to heal your heart.

And if you don’t know this God that I’m speaking of, I would love to introduce you to Him.  You will never regret meeting Him; He will change your life.

I love Christmas.  Every year I tell the kids that I’m not going to put up the tree.  But I always end up putting it up.  I love the decorations, the weather, the smells, the traditions–all of it.

Over the past three years, Christmas traditions have become even more important to me as our family has grown closer together.  Traditions build memories.  Traditions bring people together.  Traditions place meaning around events.

Do you have family Christmas traditions?  If so, I’d love to hear about them.  Here are 10 simple traditions that are easy to incorporate and have been hugely meaningful to the Duffer crew.

1.  Use Keychains as ornaments: This one I put on Facebook a couple of days ago.  Instead of purchasing t-shirts and other souvenirs when you visit places and go on vacation, purchase a keychain.  Nearly everywhere has cheap keychains for sale.  Collect these and use them for ornaments.  It’s so much fun to pull out your bag of keychains and hang them on the tree, remembering all the fantastic places you’ve been.  We have keychains from all over the world.

2.  Celebrate Advent:  This may take a bit more planning, but it is so worth it.  Purchase an Advent wreath or make one yourself.  To see a short, two minute video on how to make an Advent wreath, click HERE.  We do our Advent devotions on the four Sunday nights before Christmas, and then one special one on Christmas eve.  Your devotions should be tailored to the age of your children, and should always include scripture.  DesiringGod.org has a book of daily advent readings.  While they are daily, they would give you ideas for your weekly meeting with your family.  We use this time to discuss different topics that relate to Christmas (like hope and joy), plus we focus on part of the Christmas story.  We also spend time in prayer, together.  It’s a very intimate time, in the dark with only the light of the candle illuminating the room.  It’s amazing how much the kids talk and open up in this atmosphere.

3.  Keep a time capsule on your tree for each year:  Another very easy ornament idea that creates memories.  Take a clear ball ornament.  Write down on a piece of small paper 2 or 3 events from the year.  Roll it up and slip it into the ornament.  Once inside it should unroll.  Write the year on the ornament with a paint pen.  If you do this every year, you’ll have a record of major family events and memories for each year.

4.  Participate in “Operation Christmas Child”:  Samaritan’s Purse is a ministry organization, and one of their biggest projects each year is “Operation Christmas Child”.  Everyone is encouraged to fill a shoebox with small gifts for either a boy or girl.  These boxes get shipped to children around the world, many who have never had a gift before in their lives.  I’ve seen the impact of this when I was in Kenya.  Let your children do the shopping with their own money.  I have my boys work together to do a “boy” box and my girls to do a “girl” box.  I want them to realize the joy in giving, and that the world is so much bigger than them.

5.  Cane a Yard:  We started this with some friends a few years ago and have come to love doing it.  We purchase $1.00 plastic candy canes from Walmart–the large kind used for decorating.  We then choose a friend’s house and wait until it is dark.  After dark, we pile in the van and drive to the friend’s home.  Stealthily we sneak into their yard and put the canes everywhere, leaving a sign on the porch that they have been “caned” and telling them to “pass it on”.  It’s just a silly, fun thing that makes great and hysterical memories.

6.  Use an Advent Calendar:  An Advent calendar is a calendar to “count down the days” till Christmas day.  We actually have two….one from Hawaii where each day we pull out a different Hawaiian “ornament” to decorate a Christmas tree and a vintage calendar that has a small mouse that we move from pocket to pocket until Christmas day.  You can buy Advent calendars many different places (I’ve even seen Lego and My Littlest Pet Shop calendars with small toys for each day) or you can make your own.  Here’s a website with lots of great make-your-own Advent Calendars.

7.  Pick a favorite Christmas Movie and declare it PJ’s and Movie night:  Easy as pie—just pick out your favorite cheesy movie, make popcorn, Christmas cookies and other treats, and pile everyone into the living room to watch the movie.  Elf is a great choice for older kids, younger kids would enjoy The Polar Express.

8.  Read the real Christmas story:  We sometimes do this on Christmas eve, and other times we do this on Christmas day.  But don’t let your Christmas holiday go by without reading the story from scripture to your family. Luke 2:1-20 is a great passage to read.  Be creative–let your children take turns reading if they can.  Discuss the story–how did the shepherds feel?  Where was Jesus born?  Let your children see how important this story is to you.

9.  Go Caroling:  Your kids may say they hate this, but it’s a great way to make memories.  And chances are, they don’t really hate it.  🙂  Choose senior adults that can’t get out much or visit a nursing home.  Sing carols your kids are familiar with so they don’t feel embarrassed.  You only need to sing one or two songs at each place.  Afterwords, go someplace fun for a treat, like a frozen yogurt or donut place.

10.  Relax and enjoy each other:  Yes, I know this isn’t a “tradition”.  But I think we need to make it one.  When we focus so intently on gifts and materialism, consumerism and the stress of the season, our children can sense it and will tend to stay away from us.  But when we make the focus on spending time together and making memories together, your family will find themselves closer than ever during the Christmas season.  I’ve seen this happen with my crew.  Cherish these moments.  Cherish your family.  Cherish Christ during this season of celebrating His birth.