Today  is St. Patrick’s Day.

And as I was doing some research on just exactly who St. Patrick was, I came across a quote from him that struck me in my soul.

“And He watched over me before I knew Him and before I learned sense or even distinguished between good and evil. ” — St. Patrick

When I read it, my mind instantly said “Yes, that is truth.”

You see, He did watch over me before I knew Him.  Scripture confirms this in Psalm 139:

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

Before I was even born, He watched over me.  I was not hidden from Him.  He knows the days that are formed from me, and knew them before even day one of my life.  And before I knew good from evil, and before I knew sense, His eyes were on me.

But even further than that, He watched over me before I became a believer.  It is He that pursued me, not I that pursued Him.  Oh how I ran from Him in rebellion.  How I fought off His love for me.  Yet the more I understood the Gospel–that He died for my sins, for my evil–the more I wanted a God who would watch over me.  Not as a tyrant, but as a heavenly Father whose love encompasses me, disciplines me, guides me, and comforts me.

Yes, He knew me.  He knows me.  And He knows you.  And wants to know you more.

I’m reminded of an old, old song, and I’ll close with this:

I Sing Because I’m Happy

I Sing Because I’m Free

For His Eye Is On The Sparrow

And I  Know He Watches Me

I’m so thankful to belong to a church family that not only loves each other immensely, but also has a pastor that preaches the Gospel to us each and every week.

This morning at Seaford Baptist Church, I was once again overwhelmed with affection for my church family.

And in thinking about that this afternoon, I’m reminded of verses that Pastor Michael shared with us today that I had never seen before.

They are located in 2nd Corinthians 6:11-13.  Here Paul has just finished writing to the Corinthians about the importance of being ambassadors for Christ, as well as a paragraph listing the many things they had endured as ambassadors for Christ.

But then Paul takes a more personal turn towards the Corinthians.  Take a look at what he says next:

11 We have spoken freely to you,[a] Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

He essentially is saying that they have spoken the truth to the Corinthians.  They have poured out their soul.  I read somewhere in one of the commentary’s I looked at that it literally means the words have poured out of Paul’s mouth.  He has held nothing back.

But it becomes even clearer with the next phrase:  Our heart is wide open.  What does that look like, a heart that is wide open?  I think it means exactly what it says.  Paul is crying out to them “Look, here is our hearts–they are wide open for you!  Pastor Michael likened it as to Paul holding out his living, beating heart to them–the very seat of his soul.  His affection for them is great.  It is with complete abandon that they have given themselves up to be ambassadors of Christ as well as they have given themselves over to loving this controversy-filled church.

Verse 12 continues the plea—it is not Paul and his companions that are restricting the Corinthians from reciprocating this all-encompassing love and affection.  No, they are restricting it themselves.  And so he asks of them–as if they are children, which to some extent they are Paul’s spiritual children–he asks them to widen their hearts as well.

Wow.  This can be a hard lesson to learn.  An even harder lesson to put into practice.  But when we live in community, this is what community is supposed to look like:  wide, open hearts.

I’ve found a great Sunday School class that I have joined.  We’re all something of misfits; and even have joked that we are like the island of misfit toys from the classic Rudolph.  But in this class, our heartfelt requests for real, earnest prayer are shared.  This is something way different from the proverbial “prayer request” that all of us are guilty of glossing over.  No, this is real sharing of needs.  This morning, after one person had shared their heart (opened wide their heart), our teacher made the comment “This is church.”  And he is right.  This is church.

And so I examine my own closely held heart.  It’s ugly in there sometimes.  Messy.  Not pretty.  It tends to bleed, to beat irregularly.  It tends to become cold as stone with cynicism.  It tends to become wrapped up tightly, manifesting itself in my tendency toward isolation and aloneness.  But even with all of that imperfection, it is still my heart–and God led Paul to urge the Corinthians–and us–to widen our hearts to each other.  To love each other.  To forgive each other.  To be ambassadors of Christ together.

That’s what I want.  That’s what I want for my own heart.  Is it frightening to widen my heart?  Yes, definitely so.  But it is what I am called to do.  What you are called to do.  What the Corinthians were called to do.

It’s community.  And when it is mutual, it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.  And I think it pleases our God to see us widening our hearts to not only love each other well, but love the world well, too, by being His ambassadors.

 

This has been a rough week for sleep.  Or, put another way, this has been a very sleepless week.  Whether I’ve been awakened by nightmares or, like tonight, unable to settle my soul enough to sleep, insomnia has plagued me all week.

I am tired.  My mind and soul will not settle.

So here I lay in my bed, surrounded by my books and now my computer, knowing that in just a few brief hours I will need to be at church for worship rehearsal.

One of the songs in our song set for tomorrow’s worship service is one of my favorites:  In Christ Alone.  Here is the first verse:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

What does this mean for me here in the middle of the night?  When my fears are accentuated?  When my strivings are vigorous?

The last verse of In Christ Alone reads like this:

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

No guilt in life–I feel much shame tonight.  Yet I know that my Jesus died for the sins that cause me this shame.  No fear in death–I have no fear of death.  This is the power of Christ in me–I struggle with the idea that Christ lives inside of me; for me, this is a hard concept.  From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny–another hard concept, the idea that He has orchestrated the circumstances of my life for a reason, for a purpose, is sometimes very hard to swallow.  No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand–these sleepless nights are truly spiritual battles, I’ve come to see and acknowledge that.  There is a war going on for the thoughts in my mind.   A true battle.  Till He returns or calls me home–O, how I long to go home!!  But until then, here in the power of Christ, I’ll stand.

But only by His grace.  Only by His grace.

Sleep has not been a friend to me tonight.

I hate nights like tonight, when I am awakened and then restless the rest of the night.  I went for a walk, I’ve read some, but I still can’t seem to settle.  At least, not enough so as to go back to sleep.

There was an uprising in my small hometown yesterday.  Fairfield, Iowa is the location of Maharishi International University.  They are best known for their belief that they can obtain perfect peace through meditation, thus raising their consciousness to a place where they can levitate.   I know, unless you grew up in the town, it’s a really strange thing to think about.  But twice a day, meditators make their way to a couple of domes where they participate in this meditation.

There’s another group in Vedic City (which is what the area of town that the University is in, is called) that houses pandits or pundits.  These are people who have specialized in four different areas (I’m not sure what the areas are) and have arrived (mostly from India) in our town in order to meditate and chant all day long for world peace.

Yesterday, that “peace” was disrupted.

Though news reports are not completely clear on what started it, a riot broke out in the pandit campus.  A riot that included surrounding a local sheriff’s car (who had been called to the scene to help) and smashing the back window with rocks, kicking out the tail light and rocking the car back and forth.  This group of agitated pandits then proceeded to knock down a gate and start down the road as a mass group.  Back-up was called from several different areas, including the fire department.  The group was eventually calmed and persuaded to return to their compound.

Now, remember, this is a group whose sole purpose is to meditate together all day in order to achieve world peace.

So I got to thinking about peace–what it looks like, what it means.  I know that sometimes peace is elusive for my own soul.  Tonight being an example of that, as I’ve wandered around awake most of the night.

But I have also known moments of real peace-peace in the midst of circumstances that are not peaceful.  Peace when I would normally be panicked.  Peace when my soul has been settled.

And I was reminded of this verse in John 14:27:

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Jesus knew His time to go to His Father was near.  He also knew that this would greatly distress His disciples.  So, in one of His last times of teaching and being with His friends, He shared with them these words.  Yes, He was leaving, but not without leaving his peace with them.  This peace was not peace that is known in this world–it’s a completely different kind of peace.  It’s a peace that comes from knowing the Gospel.  It’s a peace that comes from knowing God.  And Jesus told them, because he knew they would be afraid, to not let their hearts (souls) be troubled or afraid.

These words were not meant just for the disciples.  No, they were also meant for all believers that were to come.  The peace that God gives us is not the peace the world gives us.  Because no matter how hard or how much the pandits meditate and chant, world peace is not going to happen.  Peace in this world is not going to happen.

I realize this is a controversial subject, especially for those of us who grew up in this small town in Iowa.  But I also know that real peace is possible through Jesus Christ.  Not by following a man, such as the Maharishi, and not by meditating, though that may certainly bring a modicum of peace to a person’s life temporarily.

As a believer, I do not always “feel” peaceful.  I do not “feel” peaceful after this short night.  In fact, I’m rather stirred up in my mind.  However, in my soul I know these words from Jesus to be truth.  I don’t always get it right.  I am troubled often and fear much.  But when I allow God to work on my mind and my soul through real prayer and scripture work, I know that He settles me.  And I can sense His peace settling inside of my troubled mind and fearful soul.