Another Trip Around the Sun

There was a time years ago…and actually, several times in this odd history that is mine alone…where a year between birthdays felt magnificently long….

Where the years seemed to slowly plod by –

…sometimes because I was young and that’s just how it feels when you are young and have a false sense that you have all of the time in the world….

…sometimes because I was waiting – waiting to graduate from high school and leave home…waiting to graduate from college and embark on some supposedly life-fulling career…waiting for answers to hard questions…or even eagerly waiting five years ago to marry my guy, a tremendous gift of long-awaited grace from God that helped redeem years that the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25-27)….

…sometimes the years seemed slow because I was a young with four smalls who called me momma (two of which are Irish Twins – that was definitely a long, perpetually pregnant year!) and who had so many needs that I felt so completely inadequate to fill…

…sometimes, the years seemed long because of very difficult things.

That is no longer the case.

No, today the time between each birthday seems but a moment.

I celebrated a birthday this week – don’t even ask me which birthday it is – not because I care one bit that you know how hold I am, dear reader – but because I honestly do not remember how old I am. It’s true – I had to ask my husband on my birthday how old I was turning….and tonight I don’t even remember what he told me. Two possible reasons:

1. It doesn’t really matter; it’s just a number; or
2. I’ve reached the age where I forget things easily

Let’s go with #1 above, OK? Ok.

That’s settled.

In honor of my _____ (fill in the blank with whatever number you want to use) birthday, I’d like to share a few things that I’ve learned – why? Because this is my website, I’m (?) years old, and I can.

#1. Most Things I Stress Over Usually Work Out Fine with Some Time

I wish I had known this when I was younger. Sure, this probably sounds like a huge generalization – and I’ll admit that it is. But when I think of some of the things that kept me knotted up through the years – lost car keys, a bad test score, what this person or that person thought about me, self-criticism (too fat, too awkward, not successful (whatever THAT means), too weird) missing important paperwork, overwhelmed by tasks at work – all these things that in the moment felt so HUGE – all eventually worked out in one way or another.

Sure, I still get wrapped around the axle over goofy things – but these days I try to remind myself to take a breath; focus on what I can do or can control, and find a balance between panic and acceptance that life is odd – and things typically have a way of working themselves out.

#2. There are Some Things That Will Just Be Hard. Period.

Reader – hear this – #2 does not negate #1. The difference is in realizing that this is a fallen world, and sometimes rain comes into our lives that colors everything dark – and that this rain falls on everyone at one time or another. Suffering and the problem of evil is very real. There is at times chronic pain – physical chronic pain of course is one type of real suffering; but there is another chronic pain that can sometimes enter a life and be so acute and profound and weighty in the moment…eventually settling to where it sits just under the surface, unexpectedly manifesting itself from time to time in the form of nightmares, or memories, or sadness.

And while this type of pain is so hard, there is a gift in it too – a gift that is not so readily visible, particularly when in the immediate throes of a nightmare or loss or trauma. No, typically it does not become evident until you have sat with that pain for a long time. The gift is two-fold, for those of us who are Christ-followers:

• It reminds us that we have no hope, apart from God and his grace, mercy and sovereignty
• It forces us to a deeper appreciation of the little things that brings us joy, and it fosters a deeper longing for when we are at home with Jesus – when we shall no longer “…see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” (1st Corinthians 13:12) (If ever you want to hear someone speak about this who truly GETS it – look up Joni Earackson Tada.)

#3. There Are Some Personal Goals I am Just Never Gonna Reach

I am officially giving up the following goals:

• Become an astronaut
• Read an entire set of Encyclopedias
• Climb Mount Everest
• Run a Marathon
• Join the FBI
• Winterover at McMurdo Station
• Finish the book “Jesus and the Eyewitnesses” by Richard Bauckham (I’m nerdy, but even I have a threshold for nerdiness)

#4. There Are Some Personal Goals I am Not Ready to Give Up On

• Run another half-marathon
• Write a Book
• Visit all of the National Parks in the United States
• Buy and RV and Travel with My Guy
• Continue to Grow in my Career
• Learn Something New Every Single Day

#5. Cherish Family

When our lives fell apart several years ago, my four kids and I had to circle the wagon and figure out how to put things back together again. While those years were TOUGH – there is so much good that came from them as well. The five of us our TIGHT. We know how to LAUGH. We know how to be LOUD. And we hold the times we have together as precious. No kidding, when the five of us are together…it can be a bit MUCH for anyone else in the room. (My overuse of all caps here should be a fair warning, should you ever find yourself spending time with us.)

When God brought my son-in-law into our world…he was the perfect fit, and we welcomed him with open arms. When God brought my guy into our world, He knew exactly ‘who’ both I and my crew needed – and Ken is exactly that for each of us – Ken loves each of us so well. And as I watch God continue to expand our family circle…new grandbabies, new girlfriends, new boyfriends – I am amazed over and over again at this beautiful thing He has created.

These days it is harder to get together – the smalls are now adults and doing adult things – careers, families, jobs, college. We are a bit scattered – Richmond…Smithfield…and even Bahrain. But we work hard to stay connected. We work hard to make time to BE together – and then we fill that time with as much memories and laughter as we can. I want to always be the kind of mom and Moppett (grandparent name – isn’t it the best?) that emphasizes never taking our times together for granted.

#6. Physically Getting Older is No Fun

It’s harder to exercise. It’s harder to lose weight. There are more aches and pains. My bones crack. My eyesight is bleh. I’ve never slept well – I sleep even less these days. And no amount of wrinkle cream or makeup is gonna correct or cover up the damage I’ve done to my skin over the years. And diabetes is a beast to manage. 0/10 Rating – I don’t recommend it.

True story – I remember watching my father take several pills/vitamins a day and thinking – yeah, I won’t ever take that many vitamins/supplements/pills. I’ll never be so old that I need a PILL ORGANIZER!!!

I now have two pill organizers.

But – I must keep moving. I must keep walking, keep working at eating right. I must stay mobile and active and energized because I have places I want to see, grandchildren I want to chase and hug, and I have those goals above that I want to achieve.

#7. Take All The Discounts

Yeah – one thing that definitely does not bother me about aging – I am ready for those senior citizen discounts.

Not that I’ll know when I’m eligible apparently, if I can’t start remembering how old I am…..(Takes a note to tell Ken to please monitor this over the next few years so we can get cheap meals and a grocery discount on Tuesdays.)

#8. Some Questions Will Never Be Answered

I have so many questions for God. I used to think that when I got to heaven, I’d finally have answers for my hundreds of “Why this?” and “Why that?” questions. I no longer think that’s the case. Not because I think the questions won’t matter once I reach ‘home’ – they very well may not at that point, but I’m gosh darn stubborn enough that I somehow suspect I’ll still have my questions somewhere inside my soul even in heaven.

No – I think some of our questions will not be answered – ever – because God is God. He is God, and there are just some things our human minds will never be able to understand – and that’s by design. And that design requires faith on our part – faith that He is God, and He is Just, and He is Holy, and that He is…..

#9. …..good. God is So Very Good in His Sovereignty.

I am (?) years old – and have determined that I will always wrestle with doubts. With questions. With fears. I believe that’s because I’m both wired that way, and I’ve experienced things that have seared that bend into my soul. But the one thing that holds me together is this – God is Good. He sees me, He knows me, He loves me.

He loved me the day I was born.

He has loved me during times of indescribable joy.

He has loved me through the deepest depths of despair.

He has loved me, even when I was absolutely certain he did not exist.

He has loved me, when I knew He existed yet could not sense His presence.

He has loved me in spite of ever failure, ever sin.

He loved me when I turned (?) years old this week.

And He will love me through all of eternity.