'Tis Grace that Brought Me Safe Thus Far

Today, I turn 49.

And because it is my nature to do so, I am a bit reflective this morning.

49 years
588 months
2,556 weeks
17,897 days
429,528 hours
25,771,680 minutes
1,546,300,800 seconds
1.80 billion heart beats
386.3 million breaths

That is so wild to think about. 17,897 days. Almost 26 MILLION minutes.

Chatting with my coworker and friend earlier this week, she told me, “You don’t look almost 49!” I of course told her that I have fantastic hair stylist who is AMAZING at coloring my grays (Thanks, Ivonne – truly, you are the best!)

But sitting here today – praying, studying, thinking……the idea that 2,556 weeks have passed since my mother gave birth to me in a suburb of Denver, Colorado is nearly overwhelming and a bit staggering.

What have I done with my life?

And, what will I do with what remains?

As has been my habit, for lack of a better term, over the past few years, I turned to Psalm 139 on this birthday morning. It is a passage that speaks to my soul often, and reminds me that God knows me.

He knows my name.

He knew me before I was formed. Even on the days when I have doubted His existence, or wondered if God had abandoned me…and, there have been times in my life when such days far outnumbered days of sensing His nearness…that these words were what I clung to with a white-knuckled grasp, nearly throwing them back at God as if to say, “See, God? You say right here that you know me…that you see me!:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
²You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
³You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways…

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

But this morning, in considering the amount of time that has passed since the day I was born and the contemplative mood that I found myself in, my eyes and soul were drawn to this verse in particular:

⁵You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.

Sit with that a moment, dear reader. Can you picture these words – Almighty God, Creator of all things, from the tiniest bug to the vast universe, He who is Holy, Just, Omniscient and Omnipresent….the one who sent His son as a sacrifice for our sins, and then three days later raised that same son and thus granting salvation and hope to those who believe….that very same God….

…hems me in, behind and before.

That very same God….

….lays His hand upon me.

My soul. It is almost too much to comprehend.

It brings to mind John Newton’s hymn, “Amazing Grace”. If you grew up in church, you can probably sing much of it from memory – no hymnal (remember those??) or words on the screen needed….”Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…..”. Even if you didn’t spend much time in church, you may be familiar with the words, or at least the tune, from other settings – funerals and memorial services, movies, TV shows, solemn ceremonies.

There is so much comfort, in its familiarity.

There is so much comfort, in the words “that saved a wretch like me!” We are wretched people. I am. You are. Humanity is…marred by the sin of pride and hatred and rebellion. Even our very best actions are tainted by sin. We are wretched, indeed – and how amazing is that grace, that saves us…you…me.

But today on this 49th birthday, I find a different kind of hope, in the words of this song. In the same way that I was drawn to verse 5 in Psalm 139, above…I am drawn to the third stanza of this hymn that was first introduced to a church congregation in 1773:

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
‘Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

What prompted Newton to pen these words? Was it the near shipwreck he survived, which ultimately led him to surrender his soul to God? Was it the journey from life as a slave trader, to abolitionist, eventually writing honestly about the horrors of the slave trade world, and supporting Wilbur Wilberforce in the fight to abolish the African Slave Trade through parliament in 1807? Was it the stroke he suffered? Or, maybe it was watching his friend and parishioner, William Cowper struggle through intense bouts of depression, darkness and insanity, as they worked to write hymns that eventually comprised the Olney Hymns?

Tony Reinke, writing about the hymn “Amazing Grace” at DesiringGod.org, captures it best, I think, when he summed up Newton’s grasp of grace: ““Newton was aware of the ongoing grace upholding his life. And his future was completely in the hands of God’s mercy, too.”

And friends, this is where I find myself, today – on my birthday, as I look back on 48 years of life in this temporary home here on earth, and as I look forward to the years that lie away before I reach my eternal home:

God has brought me through many dangers, toils and snares.

Some dangers I can speak of freely. Some are too painful to utter. Some are of my own sinful choices – consequences of my own rebellion. Others dangers that he has brought me through, were at the hands of others sinful behavior. Some snares have snagged me for a while – others have been momentary temptations that I have, through grace along, broken free. Some toils have nearly broken me. Some have made me stronger. Some have driven me to my knees. All – every single danger, toil and snare – I have already come through….only because His grace has brought me safe…thus far.

And grace will lead me home.

My future – like Newton’s, and like each and every one of us – is in God’s hands. I think there is a real danger…and real temptation…in assuming that life is a mountain, and at some point, we can coast downhill. There is a tragic storyline that says that once a hard-fought battle is won, all that remains is to rest and remember the victory. Life is not like that. And God is not like that – He continually refines us. Shapes us. Molds us. He convicts, rebukes, comforts, saves…and loves us. As 139:5 states – we are hemmed in not only behind through the dangers, toils and snares He has brought us through – but we are also hemmed in before, as the calendar days roll on, bringing new joys and griefs. He lays His hand upon us, till one day, we shall see him face-to-face.

Sunday at my church, I will be singing the old hymn “Be Still My Soul”, with a short portion of “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”. I chose this song intentionally, with this birthday week in mind – and mainly for this line: “Leave to thy God, to order and provide…in every change, He faithful will remain.”

His faithfulness I have known to be truth in the days that have passed, and I cling to it as I look to the days ahead.