Just Who do you Think you Are?

Have you ever been asked this question before?  I know I have when I was a child and a teenager and would get in trouble by my parents or my teachers.

I have even had a pastor ask me this question in rage.

I’ve been careful to not use this question with my children, because I find it to be demeaning.  How does one even answer such a question?

But this week, this question has been bouncing around in my head.  I don’t think it’s been planted there by God.  I think it has been planted there by my own failures to live up to the expectations I have for myself, as well as failing my children, my God, my church and my friends.

Just who do I think I am, that I can raise these four children to be healthy adults spiritually and mentally?  Just who do I think I am, that I think I could write a book or have a ministry that would make a difference after the mess I’ve made of my own life?  Just who do I think I am, when I can’t even accomplish the small tasks and goals and obligations that fill the days without being buried by them?  Just who do I think I am, that I could find companionship as a spouse ever again after the destruction of my marriage?  Just who do I think I am that I can be a friend when I have failed so often?  Just who do I think I am, that God could use someone as messed up as me?

These are the thoughts and voices that have plagued me all week long.  They have seeped into every mistake I’ve made, every wrong choice I’ve made this week, my parenting, the sins I have committed this week—-and they have filled the cracks in my soul.  There is a verse, I’m not sure where, that says a little leaven, leavens the whole bread–or something like that.  That’s what this thinking seems to do.

I know that there are only a few ways to fight it:

• With Scripture.  I did a search at OpenBible.com for “What does the Bible say about Identity?”  It returned 40 Bible Verses.  I know that I need to study each and every one of these verses, writing and meditating on them.
• I need to fight to not give up.  To do the little things well.  This is harder than studying scripture, actually, because it requires action accompanied with the knowledge that I may very well fail again.  But I–and you–can not allow ourselves to become prisoners of fear.
• I need to keep pushing forward.  I need to not get mired in self-pity or obnoxious pride, both of which quickly bring to mind the “Just who do you think you are?” question.

Here are some scriptures that I plan to look at:

• 1 Peter 2:9: But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
• 2 Corinthians 5:17:  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
• 1 John 3:1-3: See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.

And so, so many more.

There is a song that my youngest likes to sing with me when we are in the car together.  It’s title is “Child of the One True King” by Matthew West.  Bethany loves this song, always asking me to sing it with her.  So we sing it, at the top of our lungs.  But tonight I’m really trying to think of the words and their meaning.  Because when it comes right down to it–I am my Heavenly Father’s child, who is a King.  And that’s not nothing.  Maybe they are words that you need to read tonight as well:

Verse 1:
Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief

These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time

Chorus:
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

Read more: Matthew West – Hello, My Name Is Lyrics | MetroLyrics